29 years of Christmas. Every Christmas spent is a different experience for me. I remember when I was young, Christmas was a magical period. Partly because it was school holiday and I get to watch alot of movies along the way. XD As I grew older, Christmas became more of a holiday to me. So what is it about Christmas that I want to pen down here?
Christmas is a time when people would buy gifts and give it to the people they loved. I definately loved those times when I get a present or more: unwrapping it, scanning the gift and then using it to the fullest. Cherishing it until the next Christmas or till I get bored of it. XP The atmosphere itself was beautiful, especially when I was young, I always get the magical feel in it. It was as if something wonderful was about to happen.
As I grew up, I became more cynical and Christmas was no more than some holiday for me to slack and play. I did not have that magical feel: possibly my heart was closed towards it? I enjoyed nothing of it as I was growing up in an environment no one could share with me the joys of celebrating Christmas. I sort of grew cold towards it.
It was only when I got into contact with the Clementi gang in my late teens (Ah Mun, Denan, Jun Wei, Wei Yao and me) that I once again got back into the magical mood whenever Christmas was near. We would meet together and celebrate Christmas, mostly staying over in Wei Yao's place. Exchanging gifts and having fun, it was good times with friends I cherished.
Then when I became a christian, Christmas holds a new meaning to me. The greatest gift ever presented to me and everyone else: Jesus Christ, from God himself! When you realised that all you have known, all that you stood for, all that you believed, based on human or worldly standards, do not tally with what is right in your heart and you know it deep inside, you know that there is no real human standards to follow because all standards that human made can be misused and misinterpreted. God's standard is the only absolute: this means this, that means that. No hidden message inbetween to second guess.
Have you ever wondered why many people look forward to Christmas? Have you ever thought it would be nice if someone gave you a gift without you having to return the favour? Have you ever wished something miraculous would happen? It all happened, and his name is Christ. Thus Christmas. This magical feeling is not there for nothing, you realised that?
Sometimes I wonder will I be able to enjoy this magical feeling again considering I am no longer a child. I believe so: every child in us wants this and this will be made possible if we allow the child in us to express the childlike joy and anticipation of Christmas. I know many people would rather keep the inner child in them because they think they should be full adults in this sense, aka cynical. That is where I think they are not happy many times, because they think it is childish and people will look at them in a different light. Oh yes, people WILL look in a different light: a light that can tell the joy in life and one they will ask "Why can't I have it?".
As long as you go with the "flow" that says "we are too old for Christmas" or "I am an adult. I have no need to celebrate it in this manner", you will never get to enjoy Christmas for what it is: a joy and a gift. For once, break free from the common worldly saying and embrace the inner child in you. Give the inner child a chance to express joy and gladness during Christmas. That is one of the first step to embracing who you really are and where to seek true joy and peace.
Ok... I have difficulty uploading a video here. So might as well post the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuG1XSihf0I
The song is titled "We are the reason" by Avalon. It is a song aptly chosen to tell us the greatest gift given to us during the first Christmas in human history. Enjoy. ^___^
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Purpose versus Desire
I still remember when I was young, I told my mother I would get married by age 25. Ever since I passed the 25 mark, my mother never stopped teasing me on this. One advice to the young kids: NEVER promise something to your parents until you are CERTAIN, especially when you get married. Your parents, especially your mother, WILL REMEMBER. XD
Talking about marrying, I have spent a considerable amount of time contemplating the joys and implications of marriage. This is especially so when I became a christian. One fundamental thing I know is that marriage requires commitment. One of the brothers asked this, "What happen if one day you realised you no longer love her?" I know this is debatable, but this is a question deep in our hearts which we cannot ignore.
Now what is the link? I admit: I am interested in someone. I desire a relationship between a man and a woman. I have thought of every possible scenarios, from time to confess, to rejection, to acception, to courtship, to marriage and beyond. I have also considered how to make life exciting from day one. Still I know I have something else to fulfil. Something bigger perhaps and this is where the implication comes in. I owe my life to God. I love Him and I even claimed I would do anything for Him. Now what IF He told me to go to a faraway place and help a destitute community there? What IF He told me NOT to get married? What IF He told me that my life will be subjected to torture and martyrdom?
Ok, seems abit extreme. However I am not ignorant and stupid. Being a christian is more than just "repent and be saved". Being a christian is to spread His Word. His message of the good news that is mentioned in the four gospels. And more often than not, the fellow christians who do that face persecutions, abuse, insults and more... daily if I might add.
I accepted the fact about my heart for the weak, the underdogs, the oppressed. I cannot stand the unjust treatment they get while many rich and powerful figures go about wasting their lives away. I am even preparing myself to serve the under-served, local or abroad. But this begs the question: would the person I fancy support my stance? Would she be prepared to sacrifice for God? Can she take it? Similarily can I support her decisions? Can I make the necessary sacrifices? Can I take it? If any of us cannot, being together as a couple, married or no, will only bring more disputes and pain.
I am sure many who read my above comments would tell me to place it all into God's hand and He will deliver. I do not disagree nor doubt their sincerity behind it, but... let's just say I am very cautious, especially when other people's feelings are at stake here. There are many times when I felt all these are... meaningless. Meaningless when at the end of the day, you have no one to account to for all the things you have done... except God. For a person who do not know Jesus intimately, how can he or she be at peace in the deathbed when reflecting through the things done throughout his or her life?
Ok... off-tracked. The thing is: what is my purpose or rather, what is God's purpose for me? Should I continue to act on my own, I will come to a point when I face the decision either to follow His will or go ahead with my desire. Even if that desire is quite well-intentioned; to be with the person I fancy. Now, I know quite abit on "knowing the person better before deciding if she is the one" and others like, 'clicking on a common purpose'. So I will skip that altogether. Any well intentioned decision may not be the best, but God's purpose is definately NOT the worst.
After so long, I only realised that it was all over imagination on my part. Nothing is set but God has put in motion. Whether He wants me to go or wait, it is in motion. My desire to have a relationship can wait. Whether I am ready or not, He will know. It is all in His timing, His good timing. It's only a matter of: am I able to wait patiently...
Talking about marrying, I have spent a considerable amount of time contemplating the joys and implications of marriage. This is especially so when I became a christian. One fundamental thing I know is that marriage requires commitment. One of the brothers asked this, "What happen if one day you realised you no longer love her?" I know this is debatable, but this is a question deep in our hearts which we cannot ignore.
Now what is the link? I admit: I am interested in someone. I desire a relationship between a man and a woman. I have thought of every possible scenarios, from time to confess, to rejection, to acception, to courtship, to marriage and beyond. I have also considered how to make life exciting from day one. Still I know I have something else to fulfil. Something bigger perhaps and this is where the implication comes in. I owe my life to God. I love Him and I even claimed I would do anything for Him. Now what IF He told me to go to a faraway place and help a destitute community there? What IF He told me NOT to get married? What IF He told me that my life will be subjected to torture and martyrdom?
Ok, seems abit extreme. However I am not ignorant and stupid. Being a christian is more than just "repent and be saved". Being a christian is to spread His Word. His message of the good news that is mentioned in the four gospels. And more often than not, the fellow christians who do that face persecutions, abuse, insults and more... daily if I might add.
I accepted the fact about my heart for the weak, the underdogs, the oppressed. I cannot stand the unjust treatment they get while many rich and powerful figures go about wasting their lives away. I am even preparing myself to serve the under-served, local or abroad. But this begs the question: would the person I fancy support my stance? Would she be prepared to sacrifice for God? Can she take it? Similarily can I support her decisions? Can I make the necessary sacrifices? Can I take it? If any of us cannot, being together as a couple, married or no, will only bring more disputes and pain.
I am sure many who read my above comments would tell me to place it all into God's hand and He will deliver. I do not disagree nor doubt their sincerity behind it, but... let's just say I am very cautious, especially when other people's feelings are at stake here. There are many times when I felt all these are... meaningless. Meaningless when at the end of the day, you have no one to account to for all the things you have done... except God. For a person who do not know Jesus intimately, how can he or she be at peace in the deathbed when reflecting through the things done throughout his or her life?
Ok... off-tracked. The thing is: what is my purpose or rather, what is God's purpose for me? Should I continue to act on my own, I will come to a point when I face the decision either to follow His will or go ahead with my desire. Even if that desire is quite well-intentioned; to be with the person I fancy. Now, I know quite abit on "knowing the person better before deciding if she is the one" and others like, 'clicking on a common purpose'. So I will skip that altogether. Any well intentioned decision may not be the best, but God's purpose is definately NOT the worst.
After so long, I only realised that it was all over imagination on my part. Nothing is set but God has put in motion. Whether He wants me to go or wait, it is in motion. My desire to have a relationship can wait. Whether I am ready or not, He will know. It is all in His timing, His good timing. It's only a matter of: am I able to wait patiently...
Saturday, April 25, 2009
The Cross
Rarely do I get a chance to spend time alone with God deliberately. Work, studies coupled with other commitments do not grant me the luxury to have time for myself, let alone spend time with other people. Still, there is one issue I wanted to address with God personally. The cross.
Many times I do not understand why I have the tendency to cry when I see the cross where Jesus was hung there. For a while I thought it was a man (God) who do not deserve to be there and yet he did what he was supposed to do: to fulfil what his Father told him and die as a sin sacrifice for all of us. Still that does not answer the question why I cry when I see the cross.
Many times I do not understand why I cry so easily. Being emotional is one thing. Being aware and yet feel overwhelmed by the helplessness is another. Being painfully aware of what I have missed is yet another thing. Knowing what I have gained and lost is also another thing.
When I saw Jesus hung on the cross, it hurts me... more than I could ever bear... Have you ever saw a friend of yours got hurt protecting you? Have you ever got into a situation whereby a buddy paid the penalty for you? Have you ever witness a colleague took the arrows for you? If you do, then consider yourself blessed because more often than not, you do not deserved it and you know it. Through this "pain", I could see the emotions that transpired between the Holy Father that is God and Jesus, the son of God.
"This is painful, but necessary. My love for them (humans) knows no bound but sin is too deep in them. This hurts me more but it is necessary..."
This seems to be God's message to Jesus from how I felt it. I do not know what exactly happened but my heart told me that much because my heart hurts. My heart hurts because at that point of cruxification, I thought I lost a teacher, a leader and a friend when I wasn't ready. Mind you, we all know what happens next after the 3rd day but that is not the point. The point is the awareness that a person was pinned on the cross because he was willing to take ALL the sin told me how unworthy I was. The unworthy me was yelling, "Why are you doing all these, knowing the pain and agony? Knowing I am not worth it?"
He answered, "Because I love you."
Now, this is no advertisement. It is real to me. I can tell you one thing: I spent a long time crying over this. I spent a long time figuring out what can I do about it. I spent a long time talking to Jesus why I felt this way. Sometimes I wonder what is the link between my name, Jason, and what I've experienced. "Jason" is a greek name that means: "one who heals" or a "healer". The funny thing is I spent a long time trying to heal myself. XD
Have I found an answer from God that answers my question? Not yet, but I did have progression during my time with Him alone. I somewhat see there is a bigger picture to what I have gone through. Perhaps someone out there felt the same as me but is still baffled. I am one step ahead, I guess. Maybe I can tell the person that.
I always thought that everyone has an emotional or spiritual "hole" in his or her heart and God can fill that hole, but in this case, it is more than that. It is more than just being whole in God. Perhaps this was what I was designed to do; understanding how my personal life is linked with what God has planned ahead and doing something about it. Showcase my life to others? Maybe. Advocate for others because of what I know? Perhaps. Taking that first step among others to live my life genuinely for God? I don't deny that.
How I wish everyone saw what I saw through the cross. Then again it may not be a good idea for not everyone can bear this. Perhaps this song can help to illustrate better what I am trying to say.
The song is titled "Why" by Nicole Nordeman, with the video made by HOPE Singapore.
Many times I do not understand why I have the tendency to cry when I see the cross where Jesus was hung there. For a while I thought it was a man (God) who do not deserve to be there and yet he did what he was supposed to do: to fulfil what his Father told him and die as a sin sacrifice for all of us. Still that does not answer the question why I cry when I see the cross.
Many times I do not understand why I cry so easily. Being emotional is one thing. Being aware and yet feel overwhelmed by the helplessness is another. Being painfully aware of what I have missed is yet another thing. Knowing what I have gained and lost is also another thing.
When I saw Jesus hung on the cross, it hurts me... more than I could ever bear... Have you ever saw a friend of yours got hurt protecting you? Have you ever got into a situation whereby a buddy paid the penalty for you? Have you ever witness a colleague took the arrows for you? If you do, then consider yourself blessed because more often than not, you do not deserved it and you know it. Through this "pain", I could see the emotions that transpired between the Holy Father that is God and Jesus, the son of God.
"This is painful, but necessary. My love for them (humans) knows no bound but sin is too deep in them. This hurts me more but it is necessary..."
This seems to be God's message to Jesus from how I felt it. I do not know what exactly happened but my heart told me that much because my heart hurts. My heart hurts because at that point of cruxification, I thought I lost a teacher, a leader and a friend when I wasn't ready. Mind you, we all know what happens next after the 3rd day but that is not the point. The point is the awareness that a person was pinned on the cross because he was willing to take ALL the sin told me how unworthy I was. The unworthy me was yelling, "Why are you doing all these, knowing the pain and agony? Knowing I am not worth it?"
He answered, "Because I love you."
Now, this is no advertisement. It is real to me. I can tell you one thing: I spent a long time crying over this. I spent a long time figuring out what can I do about it. I spent a long time talking to Jesus why I felt this way. Sometimes I wonder what is the link between my name, Jason, and what I've experienced. "Jason" is a greek name that means: "one who heals" or a "healer". The funny thing is I spent a long time trying to heal myself. XD
Have I found an answer from God that answers my question? Not yet, but I did have progression during my time with Him alone. I somewhat see there is a bigger picture to what I have gone through. Perhaps someone out there felt the same as me but is still baffled. I am one step ahead, I guess. Maybe I can tell the person that.
I always thought that everyone has an emotional or spiritual "hole" in his or her heart and God can fill that hole, but in this case, it is more than that. It is more than just being whole in God. Perhaps this was what I was designed to do; understanding how my personal life is linked with what God has planned ahead and doing something about it. Showcase my life to others? Maybe. Advocate for others because of what I know? Perhaps. Taking that first step among others to live my life genuinely for God? I don't deny that.
How I wish everyone saw what I saw through the cross. Then again it may not be a good idea for not everyone can bear this. Perhaps this song can help to illustrate better what I am trying to say.
The song is titled "Why" by Nicole Nordeman, with the video made by HOPE Singapore.
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